Ritual and Personal Space Installation

For this assignment we were supposed to choose a special location and within seven days visit that location five times and do some sort of ritual or performance that we would then document. I chose to do my project at a nearby abandoned playground near Westmont's campus and to document my memories and thoughts about my childhood; writing down what I missed.

The first day I went out and sat on the big metal slide you see when you first make your way through the trees. I would have slid down it, but there was a big twisty tree that had fallen over on top of it. I still climbed the ladder, sat on top, and tried to slide down the little slope I could. But alas, I was unable to do so. I wrote on my notecard in the picture above how there was this huge, almost two story, wooden play equipment at my old church that used to have this huge metal slide similar to the one I was sitting on. I explained how me and my friends used to play pirates on it, but after years of rain and no varnish for the wood, they had to take the equipment down due to it being a safety hazard. I will always miss that giant wooden ship of ours.

I think by for the second day was my favorite, and probably the least depressing for me. I had decided I wanted one of my old friends to come help me out with the process. Just recently at the beginning of this year, me and my high school ex got back in contact with each other; apologizing if there was still any remaining hurt from our past. He had never been to Santa Barbara so I told him to drag his butt up here and help me with my project, since he was someone from my childhood who meant so much to me. Just the fact he agreed meant the world to me. So, one positive from this project would be that. We both took a try swinging on the old rusty swing set and we actually had some success (along with a little competition to see who could get the highest)! I wrote about how I used to swing all the time and how I would try to do cherry bombs. I definitely wasn't good at them. But the bravery that came with doing one of those was enthralling, and I had wished that I could channel that energy back into my adult life. My friend wrote how he used to visit this park by our local library and feed the ducks, and how much he missed that.

On the third day I went and played in this rusted yellow cage that was meant for climbing on. It made me recall a few memories, the most potent one being one of me and my dad. I don't have many memories with him, but this one meant a lot to me. I described how he took me to one of his childhood parks when I was about eight, and how I never exactly new where it was. But I climbed into the cage at his childhood park and pretended to be a princess in need of saving. I hope that one day I'll be able to find that park again and see if I still fit in between the bars.

The fourth day was probably the hardest for me to complete. That Tuesday morning I had woken up to everyone posting on social media about my friend I went to high school with. He had gotten into a skateboarding accident and suffered a lethal brain injury, and had passed away that morning. He was twenty, a year younger than me. Instead of playing on the play equipment and writing down something I missed from my childhood, I wrote a little card in remembrance of him. He was the kindest man in my high school, always accepting people for who they were, with their flaws and all. That was so rare in a school like mine. I will never forget his kindness, and out of all the things I miss from my childhood, he will remain one of the people I miss the most.

Day five was hard. After all that had happened the week of me doing this exercise I felt drained. I somehow recalled the old jr. high camps I went to while I was sitting on a tree stump; unable to bring myself to play on anymore of the play equipment. I think it was all the pine trees that triggered it. But I just remember going to those camps knowing I would be able to talk with God and be close to Him. Driving up a mountain, somehow brings you closer to Him. When I first came here to Westmont I had felt that same thing. But that "camp high" I had when I first got here has long faded. So I wrote about how I just wanted to feel God's presence again, like I did when I was young, and like I did freshman year.

Overall this was a hard project for me to go through and to process, but I'm so glad I was able to. Its reminded me that, while change is good, carrying your childlike emotions and fearlessness into your adulthood can only be a good thing. It can only cause you to change for the better, and to enjoy life to the fullest. The challenge is finding a way to unlock your inner child again. But hey, thats what abandoned playgrounds are for.